Thursday, April 1, 2010

It just occurred to me. I've lived in the Dallas/Fort Worth area 20 years. I've allowed a bad decision to become my way of life. What the fuck have I been thinking? I moved back to Texas in October 1989. I had escaped the State in 1985, moving to Chicago to follow my wife as she followed her career. But I let my own career eclipse hers and I came back. So, instead of living in a cosmopolitan city that is full of diversity AND appreciation for same, I moved to the seat of ultraconservatism and the upper echelons of class warfare.

I want to live somewhere else for 20 years...or, I should say, I want to live away from here for 20 years. I rather doubt I have anything like that much time left. I would be 76 years old if I were to accomplish that; I suspect I may have 5 to 10 years, if that much. So why am I sitting here on my ass, waiting to die early and unaccomplished? I suppose it's the same reason that I came back to Texas and stayed 20 years. I'm a fucking moron. I'm allowing my financial connections and my fear of poverty dictate my movements. Would I enjoy life more as an impoverished itinerate gypsy sort, or as a tight-assed hater of 1/3+ of every day of my life? I don't know. I've never tried the former. And maybe I never will.


Me, You, or Ellie said...

Oh dear. This is not good. You're not a moron -- you're just underestimating the power of inertia. It's a strong force, it really is.

I think you need some spicy-hot, cheezy-filled jalapenos, maybe with some zesty beans on the side? It's been a while since you've bloggged about food. Maybe that would help all of us.


Anonymous said...

Can you think of 5 places where you would like to live for 20 years? Or 5 places where you would like to live for a few years at a time? Let's make some plans!

Springer Kneeblood said...

Food does tend to make me feel better, Ellie...hence my overweight body and clogged arteries.

Anonymous, yes I can think of 5 such places. Three of them are in Oregon: Woodburn, Cannon Beach, and Portland. Two others: New York City and Madison, Wisconsin. I'll add some bonus places: Chicago, Illinois; Santa Fe, New Mexico; Boston, Massachusetts. But that's just the U.S. I think I might enjoy living in Stockholm, Sweden; Christchurch, New Zealand; Adelaide, Australia; Dubrovnik, Croatia. There are more, both inside and outside the U.S. Maybe I'll write more about these unachievable dreams one day.

Joan said...

Cannon Beach? Now you're talking. These are not unachievable dreams though. You don't have to look at your life draining away in Dallas. But I'm glad you are dreaming of other places, because that's when you can work toward it becoming a reality. It was the dreaming of a life in Mexico that kept me going while I was working, and making plans for escape. It worked! Make a plan, my man. And this kind of change adds years to your life! We are healthier here than we were in Portland...and we loved Portland.