That's a Car? It Acts Like Rock Cocaine.

The good news is that my car, the 12-year-old Bastard (1997 Toyota Avalon), passed the state inspection this weekend. The bad new is that it should not have passed. I was the recipient of car-care pity.

I learned that the Bastard has "issues." Specifically, the front left drive axle needs to be replaced because of a blown 'boot' that's 'blowing grease.' And for only $275 this can be a problem of the past. Or, I could ignore it and risk a catastrophic failure and the attendant rolling and bouncing and explosion of the car as it bounced along on pavement after losing its ability to steer at some point. I'm allergic, so that's not an option.

It's not just the boot, though. There seems to be a serious oil leak, most likely coming from the main gasket on the oil pan. For only $47 they would have been willing to clean up the oil from the pan and then figure out where it's coming from. I delayed.

And, there seems to be a need for two rear struts. No cost yet; I'll find out in the morning when I visit a "Car Talk recommended garage. But knowing how goddamn loud the "crunch" noise is whenever I back out of my garage, turn a corner, or drive over a piece of gravel or a pea in a parking lot, I suspect it's serious and expensive.

So. Am I going to buy another car? Probably not. Why? The older I get, the more appalled I get at the price of cars....new or used. So, I'll probably throw more money at the Bastard until it regurgitates cash on me one day, when I will break out all its glass with an axe handle and scream at it until it melts into a whimpering puddle of steel at my feet.

Well, maybe I will buy another vehicle. I like the Bastard. I really do. But its increasingly expensive habit of mainlining my money is getting hard to swallow.

I don't know. Maybe I should challenge the Bastard to a duel.