Saturday, March 14, 2009

Today's String of Consciousness

I've been lazy about posting here, opting instead to drop a note here and there on someone's Facebook page or zipping off a phrase on my own page. There's something odd and far too open to the world about Facebook. I have to be very careful there about what I say, because many of the people who are on my "friends" list are involved in organizations I manage. So, I have to watch my words there and, too often, I forget. And I have to be sure I remind people who know me well don't inadvertently post things that would give me away as the person I really am. I wish I had done on Facebook what I have done on Blogger; simply adopted an identity that does not reveal anything real about me. My identity on Twitter is too easy to trace; I should never have let the cat out of the bag.

I know, it's probably pointless to try to remain anonymous, as some of my blogger friends have noted here and on another blog I once maintained. But until I'm out of the workforce, I have to try to successfully maintain two very different identities. The one closest to reality is here.

The distinction between me and the "other guy" I have to be in my other life is sometimes horrifying. Today, as I was writing arguments to refute comments made by "the opposition" to one of my clients, I realized how much more closely aligned I am personally to the opposition than to the client. While my client's arguments are strong in some areas, so are those of the opposition. After looking at both positions, I know that the "correct" one is somewhere in between. But I have argued with the client positions on a regular basis and have discovered that they are based on "what's best for me" and on what makes the most economic sense to the clients' businesses, not on what is most fair and most reasonable. But then, neither are those in opposition to my clients' positions based on what is most fair and reasonable.

One of my problems is that I do see the logic and the rationale in others' positions; so, frequently I understand and appreciate both sides of an issue. That's fine for an arbitrator, but not so great for someone who's paid to take sides and fight for one position over another. My ability to see all angles can drive me to distraction. And when I see that two opposing sides are both being unreasonable and unwilling to acknowledge their opponents' legitimate arguments, I get angry at both groups and want to just walk away and let them murder one another.

Completely off the subject, I spent a good six hours at the office today, then went for a short drive, including an unexpected jaunt through a local nature preserve that I did not know existed. It's hidden among a huge complex of soccer fields. Today, they were empty because the fields are muddy from 3-4 inches of rain over the last couple of days and the temperatures are hovering in the 40s. The preserve follows the route of a creek and a couple of small, probably man-made ponds. As I rounded a curve on the road in this little preserve (which has a 15 MPH speed limit) I saw a huge Great Blue Heron rise from the cattails surrounding one of the ponds. I was amazed at the size of the beast! It must have had a six-foot wing-span. It was so beautiful and graceful as it arose from the pond and flew just a few yards in front of my, no more than ten feet off the ground as it crossed the road toward another body of water further from the roadway.

Enough off the cuff for today. I'm off to work on my poetry, which you will probably never read. Don't worry, it's probably not something you'll miss.

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