Aristotelianism is the Devils's Philosophy

This has been a productive, if strange, day. I spent just over six hours in my office. My time was spent cleaning out files, going through piles of paper on my desk, and "filing" reports and such by scanning paper documents into PDF files, which I then put in the proper folders on the server.

As we (my wife worked, too) emerged into the warm air (it hit 84 here today!), I got the urge to have some ice cream. But first, I wanted a hit of architectural energy, so we wandered through some neighborhoods that have begun to be "upgraded" after 20-40 years of getting stodgy. Fortunately, we saw few new behemoth mansions constructed after "tear-downs" and, instead, saw some very nice updates to bad old design.

But then we found a frozen yogurt place, not an ice cream spot. (Dallas is horrifically unsophisticated when it comes to ice cream appreciation; Boston has it all over us here.) The stuff (and various toppings) are charged out at $0.40 per ounce; apparently, between the two of us, we got a lot of ounces. Our two modest-looking paper bowls came to over $9.00. But it was good...espresso, orange, pomegranate, and vanilla flavors in my bowl.

Then, we went into Borders Books, which is shutting all their stores and, therefore, is having a sale. So I bought a book, of course. It was cheap and seemed to be entertaining. It's called 50 Big Ideas You Really Need to Know. It has 3-4 page "treatments" on a laundry list of "must know" topics, ranging from Aristotelianism and Relativism to Secularism and Liberalism to The Social Contract and Quantum Mechanics. I read about four topics tonight and decided this is not, despite its looks and implicit promise, "easy reading." You have to be deeply interested to follow each summary clearly. Comparative altruism and the Golden Rule are not easy topics to digest, even in bullet form.

But I have to admit I'm very interested in reading Plato's The Republic and learning more about the philosophies of Thomas Aquinas now that I've read a few chapters of this book. And, scanning the book, I have decided I really do have an interest in learning about the divergent views of Keynesians and monetarists and the reasons for their adoption of their divergent approaches to economics.

Enough for tonight. I promise not to do any nude pole-vaulting tonight.

Embarrassment

This is not a new thought, but it's one I probably haven't shared, at least not here and not in quite this way.

I wonder if my professed desire to record my thoughts and ideas and concerns here on Blogspot is less a desire for privately recording my thoughts than publicly seeking connections. The same questions arise over my use of Facebook and my less frequent use of Twitter.

Am I doing this for myself, as I think (or say) I am, or am I writing here and there in the hope I will make a significant connection without someone who will become an intimate friend? (No, not intimate in that way.)

It is embarrassing even to ask these questions of myself in private, much less in a public (though not very) forum like this. (I don't get much traffic.) But, at least for now, I'm of the opinion that, embarrassment aside, I need to know the answers more than I need to know my privacy is my own.

Am I a disconnected guy who's looking for some kind of connection with someone else, someone with whom I can share my thoughts and feelings and beliefs and from whom I can expect honesty but not in a brutal way? Or am I just stumbling about, looking for a one-off communication with someone I can call a "friend," if only for awhile and only through a lens of impersonality?

And why the hell does an old guy nearing 60 have such questions? Weren't they supposed to be resolved during my teenage years? Have I reached adulthood temporally only, leaving emotional maturity to come (or not) much later?

Here's a poem by James Kavanaugh, who died in 2009, that I find exceptionally compelling and powerful. Are we all looking for friends?

Will you be my friend?
There are so many reasons why you never should:
I’m sometimes sullen, often shy, acutely sensitive,
My fear erupts as anger, I find it hard to give,
I talk about myself when I’m afraid
And often spend a day without anything to say.

But I will make you laugh
And love you quite a bit
And hold you when you’re sad.
I cry a little almost every day
Because I’m more caring than the strangers ever know,
And, if at times, I show my tender side
(The soft and warmer part I hide)
I wonder, will you be my friend?

A friend who far beyond the feebleness of any vow or tie
Will touch the secret place where I am really I,
To know the pain of lips that plead and eyes that weep,
Who will not run away when you find me in the street
Alone and lying mangled by my quota of defeats
But will stop and stay-to tell me of another day
When I was beautiful.
Will you be my friend?

There are so many reasons why you never should:
Often I’m too serious, seldom predictably the same,
Sometimes cold and distant, probably I’ll always change.
I bluster and brag, seek attention like a child,
I brood and pout, my anger can be wild,
But I will make you laugh and love you quite a bit
And be near you when you’re afraid.

I shake a little almost every day
Because I’m more frightened than the strangers ever know
And if at times I show my trembling side
(The anxious, fearful part I hide)
I wonder, will you be my friend?

A friend who, when I feel your closeness, feels me push away
And stubbornly will stay to share what’s left on such a day,
Who, when no one knows my name or calls me on the phone,
When there’s no concern for me – what I have or haven’t done-
And those I’ve helped and counted on have oh, so deftly, run,
Who, when there’s nothing left but me, stripped of charm and
Subtlety, will nonetheless remain.

Will you be my friend?
For no reason that I know, Except I want you so.

Nothings Makes Sense

There are days I question whether my appreciation for intelligent people makes any sense. Is it their intelligence I appreciate? Or it is what I perceive as intelligence...as evidenced by a person's alignment with my beliefs or opinions?

I am more likely to like/appreciate/value/respect a person whose opinions and values and philosophies of life parallel mine. But I find, so often, that someone who shares my political perspectives, for example, doesn't share certain particularly important, fundamental, values I hold to be vital to a person's humanity.

That just goes to show that we're multi-dimensional beasts. I can overlook disagreements in some areas. I can't overlook them in others. But the measures of whether I can or can't overlook disagreements are moving targets. I think those measures depend, in part, on a complex mix of philosophies and their interactions with one another.

Forgive me. I'm on my third shot of high-end tequila. Nothing makes sense right about now.

Priorities

It's not doomsday thinking to consider how we might react if we were faced with a catastrophe of the proportions faced by Japan as a result of the 9.0 magnitude earthquake and subsequent tsunamis. No, it's a natural reaction to horrific events that are happening half a world away.

In my mind, it is prudent for us to consider how this nation might respond to a major catastrophe. We ought to do it, I think, as much to make us wonder whether we're on the right path as to help us prepare for a horrible event. We ought to wonder whether we need the power that nuclear plants provide. We ought to wonder whether the infrastructure we've been building is as fragile as our own lives. And then, when we inevitably conclude that our infrastructure is weak and fragile and subject to collapse, we should ask ourselves why we are building and building and building.

The answers, whatever they are, will tell us a lot about what's important to us, as individuals and as a society.

Weather

Today is starting out at 44 degrees, with clear skies. The high today is forecast to reach 67 and they're saying clear skies all day.

This weather typifies my ideal climate. It's the sort of weather that makes starting the day by sitting outdoors with a cup of coffee and a warm sweater so very inviting. The high, just under 70, is perfect for feeling fresh and alive and energetic.

Where can I expect such weather virtually year-round? That is the place I want to investigate as a permanent "get away" place. There are other factors about "place," as well, but weather is a good place to start.

Inebria

I wonder if anyone has ever named a child Inebria? I'll have to look it up.

Sheen-Worship

I am not star-struck by Hollywood types. I don't find their lives riveting. But occasionally I will find myself intrigued by some actor or actress or other high-profile media-type. But Charlie Sheen? Not bloody likely. He impresses me only as a self-absorbed, arrogant asshole. That's always been my assessment of the guy. Even though I have no interest whatsoever in his addictions or whatever, I'm really not thrilled that he got fired. It just doesn't matter one way or the other to me.

So, on to something else, OK?

Recovering Alcatholics

Something I read this evening made me think about all the recovering alcatholics out there. Not sure why that neologism appeals to me, but it does.

Drivel, drivel, peri-peri

So, here it is; another week in the office. I spent quite alot of time this weekend physically in the office; six hours on Saturday, and then, yesterday I got up at my usual time and spent about four hours working from home. I needed to do it, but it does tend to color my perception of my life, and that color is dirty grey at the moment.

Yesterday, I spent quite awhile out and about, having lunch with my wife and a friend and then wandering around being utterly unproductive. First, we went to an open house to view a house that's for sale in an old, attractive neighborhood. Then, we drove quite a distance to a little British store that sells After Eight mints. I bought some African peri-peri hot sauce there; it is manufactured in Atlanta, Georgia so I am not sure whether it is what I would get in Africa.

I'm not sure I'm writing this drivel. Nothing else to write, I suppose.

Chip Butty

I have a habit of writing notes to myself about things I find interesting. This is, I suppose, in the hope that at some point in the future, I will revisit the item of interest and will be able to refer back to my notes.

Unfortunately, my notes are not well-organized and I haven't the foggiest idea where to look for a note on a particular topic. But, occasionally, I stumble upon an old note and I follow up.

Such was the case last night, when I came across a small spiral bound note-pad that I had used to record and end-of-year trip in 2008. There, on the same page I recorded my appreciation for Joe's Seafood in Galveston was a brief note about the Bayview Duck Restaurant and Pub in Bacliff, Texas. I had written about the Bayview Duck in my post of December 31, 2008.

But I had not written about a menu item there called the Chip Butty. And I had never followed up on my note to myself that said, "Chip Butty was on the menu; what is it?" Well, tonight I found out. A Chip Butty is a French fry sandwich, usually on white bread and usually accompanied by a tomato-based dipping sauce. It sounds horrible to me, but I just read a review of Chip Butty on an upscale website geared toward good food. The review was positive.

The Chip Butty was not the thing about my notes that gave me pause this time. Rather, it was my cryptic note to myself on the next page: "Better enjoy life while there's time, laddie."

Bayview Duck website.

Occupation of the Throne

Confusion reigns. Right here, right now. I used to predict the future, but that's all in the past, now. Reigns. Rains. Whatever.

A Lovely New Week

Sometimes things are better after a good night's sleep. Sometimes they aren't.

This time, I did not awake to find that worries had flitted away during the night. Instead, I awoke to find evidence on my email (I shouldn't check my office email this early, but I do) that the reasons for my burnout and my fury are intensifying. I don't know if I am willing to stand eight days, much less eight months, of this.

But, now, the decision to start a new chapter is being second-guessed. In fact, it's going unclaimed by some of the parties to it. The decision, if it is that, looks old and weak and perhaps on its last legs.

Pretend It's All Wonderful

While the rest of the world watches the Oscars, I've started watching an episode of Masterpiece Classic, Any Human Heart, on PBS. It's only the second episode I've seen, or seen in part; I don't know how many others there are. What I've seen so far, in the one lsat week and the one so far tonight, it's spectacularly good. Much better than watching the Oscars.

But I'm losing interest. Well, not interest I'm losing the ability to focus. So many things on my mind. So many decisions to make, or reverse, or pretend weren't made. Everything is just peachy. Everything is wonderful. All's well. That ends well.

Ashes

It's Oscar night and I'm angry. The two have nothing to do with one another; it's just happenstance. But what little interest I would have had in the Oscars has dissipated, transforming into acrid steam that is swept into the air, but not swept away.

I won't play out my anger here, except to say my plans have been turned on their heads. What I thought was a breakthrough decision apparently wasn't a joint decision. Apparently I thrust it upon the world.

So, now I bide my time and wonder what "my" decision will be in a month. Or a year. I'm angry. Maybe I'm angry at myself and my failure to plan and my failure to comprehend and my failure to get it in writing.

I'm so close to burnout I can taste the ashes.

Decisions

So, the decision's made. How do I go about implementing it? It's going to be tougher than I expected. And I'm dumbfounded that I feel pangs of remorse. WTF?

And, though it's made, the minutia have not been addressed. That's where the hard stuff starts, I suspect.

Why do I feel a sense of dread that I've made the wrong decision, instead of a sense of overwhelming joy that I'll be free?

Think

I enjoyed watching the Rachel Maddow Show this evening. But it occurred to me while I was watching it that I enjoyed it as much for the fact that it supports my own political point of view as anything else. And it occurred to me that I enjoy and appreciate PBS precisely because PBS seems to have no agenda. Many times, PBS reports what I believe are facts that I don't like because they don't provide ammunition to support my perspective.

I don't consider Rachel Maddow a source of unbiased information. I think she reports facts, but she reports them through a decidedly liberal lens. Sort of like Glenn Beck "reports" through a decidedly insane lens (well, it is). But PBS just tells it like it is.

Rachel massages my ego. Glenn makes me want to kill him and his spawn. PBS makes me think. I like that.

Pensions

I am concerned that many people who share my progressive political and social philosophies may be allowing their emotional attachments to ideals overcome their intellectual capacity to recognize problems. The stalemate in Wisconsin is a case in point.

Unfunded pensions are problems. I do not understand why it is so hard for my liberal brethren to grasp that simple fact. Moreover, I do not understand why more of us are not asking questions about just why there are "pensions" in the first place, whether taxpayer-supported or corporately-funded.

I'm in favor of a social safety net and an assured stream of income in retirement. That's why I favor Social Security. I am NOT in favor of placing responsibility for an employee's ability to enjoy a lucrative retirement in the hands of the taxpayer. Granted, if employees have been promised a certain level of retirement income, the promises should be met. But, going forward, the promises should not be MADE. They should never have been made in the first place, in my view. Until and unless a mechanism is in place that assures commitments contemplated can be funded without debt financing, they should not be made.

In an ideal world, none of us would have to worry about where the money comes from; it would just be there. This is not an ideal world. We MUST understand that, in our current economic system, there must be means of sustaining revenue streams before committing to their use for the long term.

I remain as liberal as ever, but I think we all need to take off the rose-colored glasses and look at realities. The governor of Wisconsin, as much as I disagree with his call for eliminating collective-bargaining rights, clearly is speaking openly about the 800 pound gorilla we all need to talk about. I hope the conversation continues, with some real communication about how to solve the problem.

Unexpected

I'm up early, sitting in the bathroom of our hotel room until my wife wakes up. Here, I can have the light on and get access to the internet. I suppose life on the road might be like this; a motel room or a little motor home or pretty much any other place to stay on the road would not provide the room to spread out that I have at home. I'd figure out a way to get used to it.

We're getting closer to the possibility of retirement or, if not that, at least a break for a few months before I look at some other way to make enough money to get by. I personally need to get away from the stress. My wife needs me to get away from the stress, too, and she needs to get away from it, as well.

I promised myself that yesterday would be a good day. Maybe it was. A prospective client didn't come through. An existing client made comments that annoyed me so much I decided I have to get out from under the group. Maybe it was a good day, after all, just in an unexpected way.

Sleep

Very tired of late. Not sure why. I don't feel sick, just inexplicably tired. It comes on suddenly. Last night, I slept 11 hours, more or less. This can't go on. Can it?

Happy Diamond Merchant Greed Day

I've a mixed mind about Valentine's Day. On the one hand, I believe the day is like any other, except it has been hijacked by capitalist pigs who will stoop to any level to make a buck, including extortion. On the other, it can serve as a reminder that we need to pause and reflect on our romantic love.

As for me, I bend to extortion by buying a card. I do not (at least not TODAY) go further down that primrose path, spending indiscriminately on heart-shaped boxes of chocolates, dozens of obscenely-overpriced roses, and diamond rings. I don't buy diamond rings on ANY days, not because I am a cheapskate but because I believe diamonds are not a GIRL's best friend but, rather, the fuel for greed of the DIAMOND MERCHANT.

I know, if there were a bah-humbug comment for this day, it would be in the dictionary next to my picture. Fine. I can live with that.

Alive...I'm Alive!

I'm back in the land of the living. Yesterday afternoon, I started feeling pretty miserable; an odd sort of miserable, like a mix of the flu, a cold, Crohn's flare-up, aching joints, upset stomach, and headache...coupled with extreme fatigue. Fortunately, going to bed before 8:00 pm apparently solved it. I woke up just after 5:00 am and feel considerably better.

So, I may write a book today. Or maybe not.

A Tropical Hate Wave

I left the house awhile ago to buy coffee. My supply of good beans was dangerously low; I wanted to avoid a meltdown in the morning. I returned with a full tank of gas in my vehicle and:

• a pound of coffee beans
  
• four boxes of Crystal Light popsicles
  
• a bag of amaretto-chocolate-covered pecans, and
  
• a bag of pecans covered with dark chocolate.

What was that about eating healthy foods? This followed a day of munching on peanuts, despite the fact that my Crohn's disease has shown signs of a flare in recent days.

I don't know...maybe it's the food, maybe it's the stress. I've had a lot more stress than food lately. I've been thinking about, but have not discussed with my wife, calling it quits much sooner than I had been contemplating. My office space lease is up at the end of October, as is my contract for very expensive telephone service. If I get a new lease, I'm looking at three more years, minimum. Do I really want to do that? The immediate, no-question answer: NO! But the question really is this: can I afford NOT to keep going? I don't know. I just don't know.

So, I'll go grab a Crystal Light pop and mull it over. The temperature tonight will drop only to 28 degrees, a veritable heat wave. Popsicles are perfect for such blasts of hot weather.

Caught Off Guard

The weather wizard on my computer tells me it's 18 degrees. The clock tells me it's 1:45 a.m. The weather forecast tells me to expect a ten-degree drop by daybreak. My brain tells me I should process these pieces of information in some way that varies from the way I'm processing them.

That's as far as it goes. My intellect and my emotion diverge here. I don't know what to think or what to feel. I attribute that lack of knowledge to being tired. That's part of it. As to the other part, I don't know.

This is not new. But I'm caught off guard by knowing that I know I don't know.

Anything but Work

For three nights running, I've had dreams related to work. One of them was a bizarre one in which the president-elect of a client organization made increasingly aggressive passes at me. I don't know where that one came from; she never has given me any reason to think I need to be concerned about that and I don't loathe the client (any more than normal). Another night's dreams are too fuzzy to really remember; I just know they were based on work. Last night, I spent the night dreaming about trying to find and update the Facebook page of a client. That one is real; someone (not me) created a Facebook page using the client's info/logo, etc. but hasn't updated it in three years but now it appears the board thinks I have been sitting on my hands since creating it.

All three nights suggest to me I need something else on my mind than work.

Right Place, Right Time

On my other blog, I just posted something that I think was about compassion and guilt and greed. But I'm not sure. I wrote it because I felt inadequately grateful for the good things I have. I do not know to whom I'm supposed to be grateful. It's not as if someone or something "gave" me the good things I have. It's more a matter of being at the right place at the right time, being born to the right parents, having the right color skin, living in a society in which education is (or was) considered a right and an obligation, and making a few good decisions.

Should I be grateful for accidental good fortune? Yes. But to whom? I don't know. I just think I should be glad and appreciative. I think I should be glad and appreciative every moment of every day. I'm not, of course, but I should be. And so should you.

If you're reading this, you have access to the Internet. You can read. You are not scraping by to put food in your mouth (or, if you are, you are approaching it with less passion than is wise...stop now and go search for food). You are DAMN lucky! OK, maybe not lucky. You are coincidentally in the right place at the right time.

Beans

A Facebook friend, formerly a fabulous blogger who doesn't care that her abandonment of blogging has actually ruined lives, recommended this: ranchogordo.com. Now, of course, I want to eat all the beans this place sells.

Excitement

Occasionally, I get extraordinarily excited by subjects that are utterly and completely outside my sphere of experience. For a few brief and euphoric moments...maybe a few minutes, maybe a few hours...I allow my excitement to persuade me that I can change my life.

I believe, in those rare moments, I can change things to the extent that this new and astonishingly interesting subject will become my avocation, my vocation...truly the purpose for my existence.

Perhaps because I've just had a second Irish coffee or perhaps because I'm simply unable to articulate my experience in a way that can fully describe it, I can't adequately explain this remarkable experience. I wish I could. For a brief time, my experience makes me feel like my life has value and meaning and matters. Unfortunately, that doesn't last long. I become aware of reality all too quickly. But for a time, I can understand how people can believe the unbelievable. I can understand religion during that time. I can understand the development of myth. I can appreciate hero worship. All sorts of illogical things seem, momentarily, to be based on a beautiful and pure logic all their own.

That all disappears, of course, when reality sets in. The wonder of the world around me fades into dull, grey smudges and I lose that temporary engagement in glory.

But when it's there, it's amazing.

Tonight, I watched a program on NOVA. It was about how the brain works. And I got excited, really excited, about the research explained during that program. For a while, I envisioned myself in a new career, pursuing knowledge about the brain. I saw myself happy and enthusiastic and alive with energy. I saw myself doing research on how our brains work, how they control our lives, and how we can control them.

Oh, it was a sweet fantasy.

But now I know where I am, what I do, and how it all ends. It's painful to see that brilliant light fizzle into a dull sputter.

Beastial Chill

The weather took a fierce turn last night, transforming what had been a friendly excursion into Spring into a frigid beast. Howling winds and demonic cold stole my comfort and replaced it with icy pain. Brutally cold winds, horizontal sprays of ice and sleet, and heartless snow have taken hold. I stayed home today rather than face streets filled with ice, hidden beneath a thick coating of snow.

Tomorrow, the world won't permit me to stay home.

Tomorrow, I face the beast head-on.

Trying Hard to Smile

A friend's wife lost her job yesterday. The two of them invest too much of their sense of personal worth in their jobs and they attach too much value to money and the things money can buy. I worry about them. They are good, good people. But they are deeply in debt and they have ruined their credit through their own actions and through dealing with this age of putting too much value on things.

Damn.

Physics....Yeah, Physics

A week or two ago, I listened to a radio program that featured a physicist who discussed a theory of physics that explained the possibility of time travel.

She was not a strange nut-job bent on wowing the listener. She was simply a physicist who could wrap her head around concepts that seem, to me, to be impossible. Her conversation was simple and dry; nothing jolting about it.

It was interesting to me how she described space as a dimension in which we could freely move and then slipped in the concept that time, too, was simply another dimension. The argument, she said, was that there is no fundamental physical reason that one cannot move around as freely in the dimension of time as one can in the dimension of space. She then went on to describe arguments that suggest there may be many more "dimensions" than those of which we are aware.

After hearing the physicist's comments (I wish I could remember her name; she was fascinating), a comedian spoke about his appreciation of physics and, more importantly, physicists. He described them in a way I found funny, but enlightening, saying something like this:

"I like the way these guys think. You know, they base their entire lives on some theory that covers everything...EVERYTHING...and their life's work is all wrapped up in it. And then someone comes along and discovers that the theory is wrong. So everyone in physics just changes their mind. It's like 'oh, my life's work was based on a mistake, that's OK, I'll just change my mind and base the rest of it on this new information.' The rest of us would run screaming from the room, saying 'my life is ruined!' But these guys just say, "oh, OK, I'll just accept it and move on.' I love it."

I cannot imagine the masses accepting new information so quickly and so easily. Just imagine that all the world's religious leaders met inn conference and were confronted with irrefutable evidence that their religions were based on explainable misconceptions. Instead of simply accepting the fact and moving on with a new mindset, I suspect they would hold on to their beliefs regardless of what facts suggest. But physics isn't invested emotionally in beliefs; it's invested intellectually in demonstrable physical laws.

This morning, because I had nothing more important to do between 5:00 am and 5:15 am, I did a little research on how many dimensions there are, or might be. Here's a link to one of the more intriguing bits of information I found.